![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/community.gif?v=92.2){kind=small}
Fandom: Dr. Horrible
Pairing: Captain Hammer/Billy
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: In no way mine, or anything to do with me, I own nothing.
Summary: "I'm doing laundry, and you're not allowed to harass me when I'm not in costume," Billy reminds him.
AN: Written for
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif?v=92.2){kind=small}
lcm for my icon writing meme.Billy knows the minute he walks in, he's getting far too good at recognising Hammer with the back of his head. He thinks maybe that's a survival instinct.
"I'm doing laundry, and you're not allowed to harass me when I'm not in costume," Billy reminds him.
It's one of the rules.
Hammer appears at his left, in full costume, Billy's never seen him out of costume maybe he doesn't even have a real identity? Maybe his parents grew him in a tube.
"Evil laundry!" Hammer accuses, and Billy really is starting to wonder if Hammer is actually a crazy person.
"No, just laundry, strangely enough."
Hammer looks tempted, just for a moment, to rifle through it. Billy decides that if he tries it they're going to have a problem.
When nothing happens he turns back to his laundry. The hairs on the back of his neck crawl but he stubbornly refuses to turn back round and see what Hammer's doing. Because if there's one thing Hammer hates it's being ignored and Billy is willing to take every single victory he can get.
Ten seconds later it's significantly harder to ignore him, because Hammer's breathing down his neck like he expects evil to, at any moment, appear out of the back of his head.
Billy slithers round, finds Captain Hammer far too close and he knows from experience that trying to shove him away is a losing battle.
"Seriously, stop harassing me."
"I'm keeping an eye on you for the public good."
"You're keeping an eye on me doing laundry, you must have better things to do."
Hammer leans in, in a way he clearly thinks is fierce and heroic.
Billy looks down, at where Captain Hammer now has him pressed into the dryer with the sort of enthusiasm which isn't the flavour usually found between a hero and his nemesis. Suddenly a lot of things make sense.
"You're just a little bit gay aren't you," Billy says quietly.
There's a very long moment of pointed silence from Captain Hammer.
"Of course not, I'm a superhero," he says, not entirely convincingly.
As protests go, it's an interesting one.
"Of course you are," Billy says sensibly. "And the two are obviously mutually exclusive."
Hammer scowls at him like he doesn't know what that means, but suspects he's being insulted.
Then his expression changes, like someone flipped a switch in his brain.
"So, if I was, would you be-"
"No," Billy says carefully. "No, I don't think I would."
"Why not?" It's more of a demand than a question.
"You dislocated my shoulder last week," Billy reminds him, in case he's forgotten.
"You were doing evil!" Hammer protests.
Which is, broadly speaking, true. But it's the principle of the thing. Billy has a rule about dating people who regularly send him to the hospital.
"The Hammer can be gentle," Captain Hammer says, in what he clearly thinks is absolutely not a creepy voice.
Billy nearly knocks the basket off of the top of the dryer.
"No, I do not, I repeat, do not, in any way, want to become intimately acquainted with 'the Hammer.'" The fact that Billy's brain just put that in air quotes is very, very disturbing.
"The Hammer is-"
"Yes," Billy cuts him off before the mental images get any more disturbing. "I think we established what the Hammer is, or isn't, already, seriously don't you have anything better to do?"
The answer seems to be no.
Billy gets the feeling it's going to be a long day.
October 14 2009, 07:38:50 UTC 2 years ago
heehee! It's pretty awesome that Captain Hammer being creepy is canon:D
October 14 2009, 07:57:28 UTC 2 years ago
I'm glad you liked it.
October 14 2009, 08:19:33 UTC 2 years ago
"Of course not, I'm a superhero,"
LMAO!
This fic soooo made me lol. I love Captain Hammer's creepiness and his silly excuses to stalk Billy.XD
October 14 2009, 09:42:50 UTC 2 years ago
I'm really pleased you liked it!
October 14 2009, 09:26:07 UTC 2 years ago
*cupcakes*
October 14 2009, 09:44:09 UTC 2 years ago
Cupcakes! \o/
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October 14 2009, 13:03:49 UTC 2 years ago
Yeah, stalking people in laundromats is pretty up there on the creepy scale. Evil laundry! Hee! I love it.
October 14 2009, 16:17:46 UTC 2 years ago
I'm glad you liked it.
October 14 2009, 13:09:54 UTC 2 years ago
I love your Billy <3333
October 14 2009, 16:18:23 UTC 2 years ago
October 14 2009, 14:03:03 UTC 2 years ago
I love the tone of this. The humour is so perfectly in-keeping with the Blog.
LOVE IT!
October 14 2009, 16:19:55 UTC 2 years ago
Deleted comment
October 14 2009, 18:28:40 UTC 2 years ago
October 14 2009, 18:57:03 UTC 2 years ago
October 14 2009, 19:29:57 UTC 2 years ago
I'm sure you're not all doomed, though I can't think why you were told you're going to get it the worst, that's not very nice, that's a focused sort of doom D:
October 14 2009, 19:10:38 UTC 2 years ago
Seriously, this is what you do to me.
And this was totally worth the second and third happy squeaky noises it caused. -loves-
October 14 2009, 19:31:49 UTC 2 years ago
All embarrassing squeaking noises will be taken as compliments!
October 14 2009, 19:21:01 UTC 2 years ago
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October 16 2009, 00:55:05 UTC 2 years ago
October 16 2009, 08:48:39 UTC 2 years ago
October 16 2009, 03:00:33 UTC 2 years ago
"The Hammer can be gentle," leading into 'Billy nearly knocks the basket off of the top of the dryer.'" made me giggle out loud =P
Especially followed by "The Hammer is-" and Billy cutting him off because we all knew what he was about to say :D.
That was seriously adorable, and from now on whenever I do laundry I'm going to call it 'evil laundry.' :D
October 16 2009, 08:55:30 UTC 2 years ago
I would be disappointed if you didn't do evil laundry from now on!
October 16 2009, 08:42:43 UTC 2 years ago
But I must comment on the part that really made my inner fangirl squeal! <333
"The Hammer can be gentle," Captain Hammer says, in what he clearly thinks is absolutely not a creepy voice.
Billy nearly knocks the basket off of the top of the dryer.
"No, I do not, I repeat, do not, in any way, want to become intimately acquainted with 'the Hammer.'" The fact that Billy's brain just put that in air quotes is very, very disturbing.
"The Hammer is-"
"Yes," Billy cuts him off before the mental images get any more disturbing. "I think we established what the Hammer is, or isn't, already, seriously don't you have anything better to do?"
That whole scene was win. XD I was laughing so hard when Billy interrupted him before Hammer could state (for what's probably been the umpteenth time in boht their lifetimes, I bet.XD) what 'the Hammer' was. It reminds me so much of that memorable, yet very lolerific moment in the movie when Hammer first says that. XDD You are such an amazing writer. After seeing how much of a concieted douchebag Hammer was in the movie, I couldn't stand him, but the way you portray him in your story makes me actually like him.
And what's funniest of all, is that I can really picture Hammer doing something like this. I agree with dodificus, it IS really great that creepystalker!Hammer is actually canon. xD
October 16 2009, 08:57:46 UTC 2 years ago
Billy absolutely must be tired of the Hammer/Penis line by now. I'll bet Hammer just will not stop though. He's absolutely a creepy stalker in canon too XD
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October 20 2009, 04:26:16 UTC 2 years ago
There's a very long moment of pointed silence from Captain Hammer.
And that's where I started sniggering audibly, though I had long begun to do so internally. Like, from word one.
And I know everyone else has alreadu quoted it but:
"The Hammer can be gentle," Captain Hammer says, in what he clearly thinks is absolutely not a creepy voice.
BEST. EVER. XD XD XD
October 20 2009, 13:21:10 UTC 2 years ago
November 3 2009, 09:22:23 UTC 2 years ago
Billy looks down, at where Captain Hammer now has him pressed into the dryer with the sort of enthusiasm which isn't the flavour usually found between a hero and his nemesis. Suddenly a lot of things make sense.
Obviously Billy has never watched Smallville. ... Or else he really, really has.
November 3 2009, 11:22:28 UTC 2 years ago
LOL! He can learn about the mistreatment of villains, if he hasn't watched Smallville then clearly he needs to. It might make a few things clearer.
November 7 2009, 02:51:13 UTC 2 years ago
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April 16 2010, 12:20:49 UTC 2 years ago
The so gonna be in my list of things to say to my boyfriend/girlfriend, soon as get one! And I don't even care if I'm a girl!
April 16 2010, 12:51:19 UTC 2 years ago
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December 5 2011, 09:27:17 UTC 5 months ago
January 27 2012, 07:42:16 UTC 4 months ago
In fact, still laughing.
January 28 2012, 10:21:14 UTC 4 months ago